Hello.. My name is Raven Mendoza. I gave my life to Christ when I was 16yrs, during my sophomore year. Before I gave my life to Christ I didn’t have much confidence in myself. I always felt rejected since my father wasn’t around in my life (My father left me when I was 1yr old). Having no father figure in my life, and me being the only child, it got kind of lonely because my mother was always working, trying to make ends meet. Growing up I would see my mom go through a lot in life; divorce, financial problems, family problems and stress of work. I remember when I was little my mother would always say “Why does God hate me?!”. That really stuck with me and I would wonder why God would let my mother go through all that and why I couldn’t do anything to help her.
When I entered middle school depression really got to me, I tried to be something that I wasn’t, and I would put on a front at school. I made it seem like I had everything together but in reality, at home my mother and I would be yelling, screaming, and fighting. It started off small then it would get worse even turning to violence at times. I would write suicide notes to my mother and had thoughts of killing myself as a way to get out of my situation and would think “Would it be good or bad?”. The only person I could think of who messed up my day was God. I would ask God “Why is my mom mad?”, “Why did you let her have a bad day at work?”, “Why is my family always fighting?”.
In high school my life took a 360°. At 15yrs I smoked my first blunt and did not stop there. I was really into parties and the club scene. I remember my friends and I would collect pennies and ask people for money just so we could get high. We would get stranded at parties and would leave with anyone who would say “They would get us home safely”. We would leave with strangers at nights, not even knowing what dangerous things could happen to us. My mom would pick me up at 3am in the morning every weekend because the cops caught us running around the neighborhood. This started more problems between me and my mom. There after the trust was gone, the relationship of a mother and daughter was gone. The bitterness of family members in my life just got worse. Before I knew it, they stopped talking to my mom for over 4 years. My mom didn’t have anybody to lean on. I was caught up in my rebellious ways that I had neglected my family, I wasn’t the daughter I should have been and I should have stood by her side and show her the love she deserved. When I realized this I figured that this could never change. That everything was going to stay the same. I got back home smoking and realized that I was miserable. That I could never change the things I’ve done, that there was no hope for me in getting a job, going to college, getting married, or for my mom and my family forgiving one another, I was going to grow up in life miserable. I was thinking before this happens, I’m going to kill myself before my life ends up in more of a wreck – I was hopeless.
I was in my room crying my eyes out thinking about my failures and my shame and regretting things. After 16yrs I thought of God – He was the ONLY person I knew who could make things RIGHT. I prayed with all my heart, asking God for forgiveness of my sins and that I was sorry for abandoning Him. I asked God to make my life new again, like how when I was a little girl, so innocent and pure. I wanted God to restore my relationship with my mother and my family. And wanted to forget the person I became and be someone that God wanted me to be in His eyes. I prayed to God to lead me to a church, a place where I could call home and teach me about Him. ONE WEEK later a random person at school invited me to church. I told her how I was asking God for a church. She picked me up the next day and revival was going on with Pastor Paul Stephens. I gave my life to Christ and said the sinner’s prayer. I even got a Word that “God wanted me to keep coming to this church, he has a lot of things in store for me” So here I am – just turned 18yrs. It’s been a year and half that I’ve been saved! There have been bumps in the road but that doesn’t stop me from serving God. God brings so much JOY in my life that it’s unbelievable! I’m not Satin’s anymore and my life is perfect to the “T”. I have someone to lean on in times of trouble.
If you’re a young girl out there I just want you to know that God LOVES YOU WITH ALL HIS HEART, and it’s never too late to turn to Him. Nothing is too big or small for Him to handle and God can restore what you lost to sin. So accept Him as your Lord and Savior of your life and there’s a God in Heaven who is waiting for you!